WEEK 14 - STEP 12 (I)
This week we are considering Step 12:
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practise these principles in
all our affairs.
The reading here is the chapter Working With Others, which outlines the principles of what is
often called "12th step" work: working with the suffering alcoholic.
Right from the beginning in AA, we can benefit from service. We try to adopt a what-
can-I-contribute approach in all areas of our lives. We found it helpful to get service jobs in
our home groups as soon as we could: sweeping up, putting up the signs, making the tea, and
so on. However, after a little while, once we have experience of the programme of recovery, it
is vital that our service should include as well, actually passing the message of AA's
programme of recovery on to suffering alcoholics. This can take a variety of forms, direct or
indirect. There are service committees, (as referred to in Tradition Nine) that operate apart
from the groups and they help to carry the message to suffering alcoholics who have not made
it to AA yet. These are: Intergroup, Region, Conference and the phone office. When we have
sobriety qualification, it is great to get involved in these.
This week we will consider one part of carrying this message to alcoholics:
SHARING
IN MEETINGS
Speaking while the AA meeting is in session (which is usually referred to as "sharing")
whether from the floor or the chair, is a key part of "carrying the message", in line with Step
12 and also with Tradition Five, which says: Each group has but one primary purpose - to
carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Both Step 12 and Tradition Five refer to a
"message"; they are referring to the same thing. When we try to offer the AA message, we
find that we get the most direct benefits in return. It is defined by the preamble which is read
out at every meeting:
"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share
their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common
problem and help others to recover from alcoholism." This is why it was advisable for many
of us not to share in a meeting until we have all three to offer: experience, strength and hope,
rather than just airing our own emotions and grievances. Most in AA do share their
experience, but strength and hope are often neglected. And it can be forgotten that even if we
share all three, we try only share those parts that will help other alcoholics to recover.
The Big Book gives us some further guidance on what information to include in our
sharing on page 58, where it says: "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be
like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have
and are willing to go to any length to get it - then your are ready to take certain steps." We
have received the greatest rewards from sharing by trying to understand first why we do so.
The paragraph just quoted (and it is a complete paragraph) shows that the purpose of
revealing our stories is to indicate to the suffering alcoholic, in a general way, what we have
now so that they are in a position to make the choice offered to them: do they want what we
have?
If we disclose information in a general way, there is no need to reveal personal details
in a meeting that should be for our sponsor's ears only. If we remember this it will save us
later embarrassment, or making others feel uncomfortable as they hear it. Certainly, it is true
that in order to communicate the general picture of what we are like now and how we have
changed, it can be helpful to illustrate the point with some details that help to build up that
general picture. And the Big Book tells us of one specific detail of our story that we should
include when building up this general picture. On page 29 it says: "Each individual, in the
personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he
established his relationship with God." Taking this to heart, we always try to include a
description, however brief, of how we came to establish a relationship with God, as we
understand Him.
Some people feel that the only "honest" sharing is that which focusses only on what we
are unhappy with at this precise moment. We consider this a selectively negative approach
that does not give true impression of our general situation when we are working the
programme. If it is true that generally our lives have improved since we came to AA, then it
is dishonest for us to give any other impression. And lets face it, we wouldn't be coming to
meetings if we thought it was better to be drinking. That is true for all of us.
Similarly, some people call sharing that focuses on problems as 'keeping it real'. Our
experience is that the unhappy view of the world that we see when we stop drinking but don't
do the programme is not reality. Here our perception of the world around us is still distorted,
except now it is not by alcohol, but by the prism of our self-centred attitudes. The only reality
is the one we perceive when we do the steps. The programme can free us from this miserable
bondage of self and enable us to see the truth, that the world around us and the day we live in
are good.
However, this is not to say that life goes exactly as we would wish it to. The AA
programme does not guarantee that life will always be to our satisfaction. Most of us who
have any length of sobriety have had to face the ups and downs in life that most face (illness,
the suffering or even the death of loved ones, rejection, unemployment etc). And although
most would not choose to experience these things, we find that the programme does give us
the tools to face these events responsibly and for the most part, happily, and with dignity. We
try to follow the guidance of the Big Book, where it says, on page 133: "If trouble comes,
cheerfully capitalize on it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence." If I can put in
the work to enable me to consider a sober day a good day, then all days are good. We have to
use the tools of the programme to overcome these difficult situations and we do find it helpful
to share the details of how the programme has worked for us when this is so.
Many share problems in meetings because they feel that it will somehow help them to
deal with the feelings associated with the problem. This does not work for us. Although it is
true that there is momentary relief, it does not deal with it permanently. In fact, if we work on
the premise that "we get what we give", sharing of difficulties in a meeting to this end will
actually increase the unhappiness. For those of us who did not yet feel any gratitude, it was
suggested that it might be more helpful to be quiet and listen. As we were told: "take the
cotton wool out of your ears and stick it in your mouth". So instead of sharing about it in a
meeting, we found it much more useful to ask an oldtimer for help in a one-to-one, so that we
can be shown directly how the programme can help us. A good rule of thumb might be: share
gratitude in the meetings and problems with your sponsor.
There is also the question of when to start sharing in meetings. The Big Book makes it
clear on page 164 that we cannot give what we do not have where it says: "But obviously you
cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is
right..." If we accept that the purpose of sharing is to carry AA's message to the suffering
alcoholic, in line with Tradition Five and Step 12, then it is clear that we shouldn't speak at
meetings at all until we have some recovery to offer. Some of us, who were initially shy or
reticent about sharing, were actually relieved to learn that we needn't feel any obligation to do
so at this stage. We found that once we had completed Step Five we had sufficient experience
and also had lost sufficient self-centredness to have established a "right relationship" with our
Higher Powers and were able to transmit something useful. Even those of us who didn't share
at all until we had completed Step Five were not hampered in our recovery or progress
through the steps. In fact, the reverse was true: by listening at meetings instead of speaking,
we were able to learn all the more quickly what we needed to do to recover.
That is the end of the talk. Now I am delighted to hand over to [Name] who will disclose in a general way, what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now.